A field of wishes

Everything changes in this village in May. It's like fairies fly over the rooftops in the night and blast the gardens and hedgerows with bursts of colour and poof, you wake up to carpets of Forget-me-nots and Wisteria that seems to have blossomed without a whisper, but in spectacular style.

All the lanes have started to feel like a maze, green walls that let just a peek of sunshine through them, leaving dappled sunlight all over the pot holed roads. It's quiet but alive all at the same time. You can hear the boys on the trampoline, the neighbour's boys doing exactly the same on the opposite side of the road, you can hear dogs calling each other every now and again the rumble of a tractor hurtles by. 

We've been so caught up in the house, the inch thick dust, the midnight staring competitions at the laptop trying to decide on window handles and taps for the bathroom sink, that we've almost missed what's been blooming around us. It's felt like there hasn't been a moment to stop, there's a room to pack up, un pack and repack, as we make progress with filling, sanding and painting the tired walls so battered and bruised by the new pipework. I think we are only just starting to appreciate that when you take on an old house, there is always something on the list left to do. Some things can wait until your children leave home and some need your immediate attention. But the ones that are most fun are the ones in between! Not the vital foundations of the house, the things that are pretty, but they have to wait for a little longer.

But we decided on Saturday that everything in the house could wait, packed up a picnic and dragged the bikes out of the garage. Ollie has an obsession with dandelions at the moment and every time he spies one he clutches it so tight, you can see he's wishing with all his might. Of course we never get to find out what he wished for because "Mama, then it won't come true" but you can just about make out his hushed little voice and the murmur of something Minecraft related.

So off we tootled in search of a field full of wishes. 

We stopped to say hello to the horses at the bottom of the hill who I suspect are quite spoilt with small people passing by. They trotted over with glee at the sight of our two with hands full of lush green grass, normally out of their reach. They are so magnificent and overwhelming all at the time but the boys didn't flinch. They spoke to the three beautiful creatures in front of us like they were old friends.

Their fuzzy soft noses tickled the palms of their hands, and the boys roared with laughter at their loud huffs into the air. I love their whiskers, so wiry but delicate and their eyes feel like so soulful, like they can understand you.

We found the perfect spot to stop and my muddy boys hopped the gate and scampered off into the distance while we set up the makeshift blanket (who needs a blanket when you have a tablecloth) and watched them literally skip through the buttercups and dandelions. It was completely and utterly idyllic. 

Until they discovered the next door field of cows and darted over to say hello to be greeted with a full on mating show by a very rampant bull!

capture by lucy 19.jpg

I wish that there were more days like this. We panted back up the hill and decided to abandon the jobs left over from the morning's to do list and race down to Lyme Regis for the afternoon. In one day we had more family time together than we've had in months. Everything has been off balance lately and we needed sea air, a cycle and chicken sandwiches to set ourselves right.

I love these photos because they capture the boys just as they are. Sammy and his impossible to contain and quite frankly control, exuberant personality, a smile as bright as his neon glasses and Ollie's competitive streak fighting against an overwhelming desire to be adored by his big brother. The grazed knees from running through life at 100 miles an hour, the little fingers who see a wilting flower and pick it for their mama. The pursed lips that have got blowing for a wish down to a fine art but can't quite master a whistle.

Our boys are the very best of friends. They eat together, sleep together, fight and wrestle together, but they are very rarely apart. And when they proclaim their frustration for each other in a barrage of poo related put downs I tell them really calmly how lucky they are to have each other.  We can see they can sense the unsettledness that has swept over the house as quickly as the dust sheets covered the furniture. It's remarkable we are all still speaking to each other at the end of a day sometimes. There have been tears and tantrums but we are in it for the long haul. The house is testing us, almost like testing our love for it. 

I had my camera but I sat back and watched more. Snapping life as it happens, rather than corralling my brood to face the tripod. I still want those photos, every time we drive pass a beautiful field of yellow rape seed Rich knows I would love to stop but I must remember that these everyday snaps are just as precious. These are the photographs that fill our digital album. I look at our big traditional albums and scrapbooks and they are filled with happy moments. Firsts, family and friends, sun kissed skin in holiday outfits and cocktails in one hand, but life is what you live in between those special anniversaries, birthdays and milestones. And that's what a blog is, an evolving album for the movement of millennial parents writing about life as a family. 

I need to remind myself that perhaps the everyday moments might be just a nice to read about, in between the bigger adventures. That these simple pleasures tell our story as much as the parties and the plane rides. Perhaps even a little better.

Linking up with The Ordinary Moments 


If you haven't already voted there's just a little time left to vote for your favourite bloggers in this year's national parenting blog awards. I owe so much to these awards and the people who nominated me. 

You can find me in the Photo Shortlist for the Brilliance in Blogging Awards which closes at midnight 17th May and I am thrilled to be a Finalist in the Photography category of the MADs.

It would be an honour to be at those award ceremonies amongst some incredible photographers. 

A postcard to Juliette

It's hard to explain to people who don't know our family about our dynamic, but for those of you who do know us, this post will come as no surprise. I can remember the day I said goodbye to my brother Patrick a few days before he went to live in America and start a new life with Carlotta. We'd been out in Maidenhead, something I don't think we'd ever all done before, dolled up to the nines the evening before, for a leaving party and laughed so much on the dance floor I thought my sides were going to split. It was a perfect send off and even typing just a little about it, makes my chest ache, thinking about the tears mum, Natty and I had rolling down our cheeks on that Sunday afternoon. But without doubt it was the best decision he ever made because it led to Juliette.

A small girly we had all been talking about pretty much since they met. The daughter that was meant to be. 

With Juliette it's not been 9 months of excitement, it's really been years. When they imagined themselves as a family it just was natural to talk about a pink one being part of the picture. 

We were in America for my brother's 30th birthday last year when they played us his holiday video from our trip to Paris, which ended with a little extra something coming home in the suitcase. A pregnancy test. 

We knew that Rich and I would be lucky enough to be on mum's staff travel and with the help of my very kind in laws we would be able to fly out to meet our new niece when she was born. I love first visits, hearing the new parents relive the most incredible moment when everything changed in an instant. The drama, the tears, feeling like you were there. On the day she was born we had all been on a group text, Pat was giving us regular updates and I don’t think mum, Natty or I had stopped holding our phones in over 8 hours. In between text updates we were Face Timing each other and were all on tenterhooks when we got the “Omg… push time! 10cm” and a few seconds minutes later “This is amazing” messages!

It felt like all our hearts were in our mouths and then up popped a photo of Carlotta holding this tiny person in the hospital blanket. We were in the middle of the local pub and I blurted out to the waitress “Ahhhh my brother’s just had a baby!” with tears in my eyes and we hurriedly got the bill and raced to the car park to FaceTime my sister who had popped a bottle of pink bubbly already!

But it's not the same as holding them in your arms, studying their little faces, debating who they look like, being part of the newborn bubble.

It’s weird how you can feel so far away and so close all at the same time. That 6 years of keeping close through messaging, Skype and Face Time, meant that it was completely normal for us all to have been on the end of the phone. In fact, often when Pat and Carlotta have visited for big birthdays or a few days at Christmas, the boys act as though they saw them last week, there’s no real dramatic home coming, it’s just normal to all be together again. 

Parenthood is a challenge, whether the first few days seem like a blissful haze, or complete chaos, at some point it hits you that life will never be the same again. Carlotta has Natty and I on the end of a text, whatever time of night and we all felt like we lived those early days together.

A long week passed and finally it was time to get on a plane, and land in the garden state full of pink magnolia and blossom trees. I was so proud of how my brother and sister in law have taken this new chapter in their lives in their stride, sharing her with us and being so open about feeling vulnerable and making it up as you go along. They are not fazed when she cries, they work through their routine of tricks to settle her back down and just like the four who came before her, Granny’s singing works a treat.

Little Juliette  5 (1).jpg

It sounds extraordinary to fly to America for just 48 hours, but in fact our time meeting the newest member of our family was almost the opposite. In a good way. It’s like she was just meant to be here. Slip into their ready made unit after the fanfare of a baby shower and the build up of 6 months of excitement planning and discussing another pink one joining our brood. 

The house was calm and content. Almost like life was normal with a little swinging chair in the corner. This tiny little fair haired poppet was just with us, greeting us at the front door in her daddy’s arms. It’s funny but I felt like we almost tip toed in. You forget what life is like with just one, compared to the mayhem and noise of our house with excitable boys and Natty’s with Yasmin bouncing off the walls with that toddler unquenchable enthusiasm and excitement for everyday life. 

There was really nothing to do except be with them and take her in. The house was up together, there wasn’t a mass of school uniform spilling over the laundry basket for mum to attack with her fairy godmother magic like she does when she gets to our house, we just sat on the sofa with this teeny girl stretched out on my legs and talked.

We passed her around like a precious parcel and whilst the boys got on with some DIY on Saturday afternoon fixing the garage doors, (see I told you it was a normal weekend) Carlotta, mum and I played babies. Snuggling, snapping and taking it in turns to feed her and love her. 

Carlotta is like me. She keeps scrapbooks and photos and our hearts melted when we set up a mini shoot on their bed. We were giddy looking at this sleepy princess, totally oblivious to our cooing. I'd taken just my camera so we improvised by using a soft fleece blanket and their duvet without any covers on it! The backdrop didn't really matter as this sweetheart was the star of the show. 

We had known for a long time that this sweet one was going to be a Juliette, and that her middle names would be a tribute in some way to her great grandmothers. With her initials going to spell JAM my brother nicknamed the bump Jammie and Natty could not resist sending them this ridiculously cute strawberry summer outfit! Carlotta's mum is an incredible seamstress and overnight whipped up a fabric green strawberry patch for her debut in front of Aunties' camera!

The cuteness made your legs turn to jelly. Perfect bud lips, English rose complexion and not hint of the dark hair that dominates our family. She is her own girl.

Little Juliette  18.jpg

I am so happy to post this on my sister in law's first mother's day. Nothing can really prepare you for motherhood. No one can tell you exactly how you will feel, that really you just learn every day. But having people to share the journey with makes life a little easier. And that's how I feel about my nieces and nephew. That Pat, Carlotta, Natty, Andrew, Rich and I are all navigating parenthood together, that even though they aren't mine, they feel like mine. That we have this not so secret society where we can one minute be deliriously happy and the next fall apart at the seams. This core group who love each other fiercely, people you couldn't be without. 

Oh sweet Juliette, my newest of nieces, I've had this note in draft for far too long. You are starting to smile, starting to know day from night and we are all counting down to the summer, talking about dates, flights for your Christening and your first trip to Southbourne, even if it's just for one day. Your big cousin is desperate to hold you, doesn't realise you will be a much bigger girl by the summer, and I look down at the little gate at the bottom of the garden and picture the 5 cousins all together, the start of a new generation. 

I can't wait to have an ordinary few days with you, like you live around the corner. Rolling in the garden, on the same mat Sammy learnt to move on, sleeping in the cousins' bedroom at Auntie's house (best not tell Yazzy) and simply being part of the gang. Snuggling in the boy's beds for bedtime stories, sharing a bath, if we can squeeze you all in!

You are a lucky girl because you have two homes. One where you will grow up, with a little American accent and one where there will always be a big welcome home. 

Long distance love is hard, but we feel like we know you, even though we don't see you every day, every week or even every month, because you are part of us. 

Linking up with The Ordinary Moments

Me and Mine - A Family Portrait Project April

Well this is quite frankly a spectacular failure. Of course it could get a tiny bit worse and this post ends up being published after midnight and then it's an epic failure, but I am determined that in the next 120 minutes this will go live! Every month, along with lots of others, I post a Me and Mine update.

We've been posting a monthly photo of our family units for over 3 years now and never ever has one of mine been so late. But I think that completely sums up the state of life at the moment. 

The plumbers have turned off the new boiler for this weekend for stage 2 of the heating renovations so we needed to ship out! Our home away from home in Southbourne is one of my most favourite places in the world. I love it at any time of year, in the Winter when the sea looks ferocious but a cup of tea huddled in the beach hut makes you laugh like drains and in summer when the days seem to last forever, you forget your shoes walking back up the zig zag path to the flat and your skin feels sun kissed by the British sunshine that feels that much sweeter because it’s so unpredictable. I am so grateful for a sunny weekend at this seaside. 

We just about managed to pack up after school on Friday and get down for the sun to set over the groynes. A perfect calming pastel pink sky to end a frenetic week with. We got to the steps of the flats and Ollie ran up and shouted "I love Southbourne!" as he burst through the familiar door. There's something special about this not so special looking flat. A rather ugly c1960s block, with no redeeming features on the outside but an inside filled with childhood memories of 3 generations. We won't be back here until the summer when we have a week booked with my sister, bringing Logan on his first ever holiday, just like all the other little ones in our family, so being spoilt with a red sky at night made it feel like the sun was waiting to cheer us up the next day. Like a welcome home. 

We've made the last 24 hours feel like a week. Busy doing nothing. A wagon ride into the high street for bread and cakes, a cheeky hot chocolate and round of Connect 4 in one of our favourite cafes and the rest of the day at the beach. Scooting under stormy skies and dodging the showers that we could see out at sea. 

After 5 attempts this is my Me and Mine for April. Someone with their eyes closed, Ollie's face hidden by Sammy trying to steal the show. I look at this and see two mini mes. Ollie who despite not looking anything like Rich did when he was the same age, but looks the spitting image of his Dada, is like a little shadow, in awe of everything Rich does and I got to join in their bubble for a little while on the beach. You realise that all they really want is you. All of you, no phone in your hand, not talking to a stranger passing with their dogs on the beach. Just you and a bat and a ball. 

Then there's Sammy who looks, sounds and shouts just like me. He has my rollercoaster of emotions on a daily basis, you have to soak up the highs to get your through the frustrations of the lows and I am no different. He is counting down to his birthday month, constantly talking about his party at the end of May and is full of a new phase of attitude. We have hit the eye rolling, the stomping up the stairs, I am just waiting for the slamming doors bit and we will be set for pre teen hood! Is this normal for 7?! Help!

To say we've all been unsettled over the last 4 weeks is an understatement. The boys are antsy, we are itchy. Everyone is out of routine, each room is still packed up into the middle with a few bits of furniture unearthed from the mountain of dust sheets. We had the old AGA boiler (all 40+ years of it) taken out this week and wow, the dirt and grime behind it was revolting! 

But in a bizarre way all of this disruption is brilliant! It means we are a step closer to putting the house back together. The rooms feel warm for the first time since we moved in and instead of barricading our bedroom that  has literally been ripped apart and is in the process of being rebuilt (cue more dust sheets and dust on our bedside tables that you could write a book in) to stop the draught chilling the house to it's bones, we have an even, warm temperature, where you can walk around in a t-shirt. The luxury!

I have been taking some behind the scenes photos to make a scrap book but the best thing about having a blog is that you have a digital journal of your emotions, a visual story of the progress and you get to share it all. Share the excitement, the planning and the big reveals. 

A weekend in Southbourne was just what we needed, we just need to relax. Does that make sense? You know when it takes you a few days when you've been wound up like a spring to gently unravel, but you don't have that kind of time?! It's been a lovely day, still with the odd temper tantrum moment (from all of us) and we ended the day with dinner at home, Walking with Dinosaurs with two boys snugged on me in an armchair under a duvet whipped off one of the bunk beds and a second night of a lounge disco. Hats off to Rich for improvising with his iPhone torch and several pieces of clear coloured Lego bricks. We had disco lights and everything!

Tomorrow we are going to head to Moors Valley Country Park, climb wooden spider's webs, ride the little land train and eat ice cream.

Happy Bank holiday everyone!

P.S. I did look back through all my photos in April and found one of the four of us. This one. It's been an extraordinary week for me and my blog. I was bouncing around the room when I found out I have been shortlisted for a Brilliance in Blogging award in the PHOTO category and am a Finalist in this year's Mum and Dad (MAD) Awards in the PHOTOGRAPHY category

Everyone in the categories would love to win, of course they would, and I can honestly say holding one of those awards changes your life. If you haven't voted you can scoot on over and cast your vote for your favourite. 

I am so proud to see some of the Me and Mine co hosts listed in the awards this year and I am honoured to be among such talented bloggers, parent bloggers and photographers. Make sure you pop over and see what Lucy, Alex, Jenny, Fritha and Katie have been up to this month. There's a new member of the Me and Mine gang this month - welcome to the world sweet boy and congratulations to Katie and her precious new family of 5. Little boys get me every time, enjoy all the newborn snuggles, I could barely carry Sammy to bed tonight!

Come and share your family photos with us, link up your blog posts or if you are not a blogger tag your photos on Instagram with #meandmineproject. It's an ace gang to be part of :)

Phew 9 minutes to spare!